Happily Ever After

This past Saturday I had the opportunity to speak at a wedding. The groom had asked me to prepare a short message that would challenge him and his bride and be a reminder to all the married guests in the audience. As I was organizing my thoughts and preparing my talk it occurred to me that marriage is similar to any new endeavor we embark on in so many ways. When I looked at the happy new couple with all of their dreams to pursue I realized their future will be greatly impacted by how they deal with the process of mastery.

In his new book Pails, author Chris Brady explains that there are three stages to mastery in any new endeavor.

1. Ignorance
2. Immersion
3. Intelligence

The first stage, ignorance, is when everything is new and exciting and we are learning lots of new information. The Immersion stage is when we begin to learn more details and the complexity of what it is we are trying to accomplish. This is when the pressure builds due to our ignorance and we have to decide how to handle it. At this point, we can choose to blame other people or circumstances and divert the pressure or even just quit when the going gets tough. There is obviously another option which is to put the pressure on ourselves and learn the lessons and skills necessary to succeed.

The last stage of intelligence comes when through information learned and experiences, the effort to succeed seems much simpler. Those that reach this stage make it look easy to everyone else.

Could these principles apply to marriage? As I considered the question I realized how many couples I have gotten to know who have long, successful marriages that make it look easy. However, as you interview them you realize they have developed the habit of taking the pressure and growing from it rather than being a victim or quitting. They have also taught me that it is never as easy as it appears and to seek out relationships that encourage you in your marriage rather than make it easy to quit.

I am grateful to be a part of the Life Leadership community where marriage is highly valued and there is a healthy peer pressure to improve. Congratulations Kevin and Kaylynne, may God bless you and your marriage in the exciting days ahead.

God bless!
Dean

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8 responses to “Happily Ever After

  1. I couldn’t agree more. But I sure could practice it a whole heck of a lot more, in my marriage and in other areas. Dean, thanks for sharing, and for all you do.

  2. Man that is so true! I love how you put it into words, it helps us (me) to know its worth the struggle!

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